The obvious question I didn't ask
...was the most expensive one.
Here is what I believed when I finally landed a manager role: Once you get the title, you’re supposed to already know what you’re doing.
And if you don’t - you keep that to yourself. Doing otherwise suggests you have already failed at your new role. That you’re not ready. You don’t belong at the adult’s table yet.
Thus begins the story of how I agreed to a $700,000 budget cut without ever meaning to.
Early in my new role as a director, I sat through a series of meetings with Finance. Our leadership was asking everyone to give up some budget to meet an organizational shortfall.
I mean - I think that’s what it was about.
I am not fluent in Finance. When the Finance people show up, it’s like being in a room full of people who don’t speak my language but who fully expect that I understand what they’re saying. So I have to fake it.
Accordingly, I did the only logical thing - nodded along and, at the end of the interminably long meeting, apparently ended up agreeing to give up a large chunk of my team’s budget.
Yep. I did that without ever once speaking up and asking hard-hitting questions – such as, “Wait – what?!”
Becoming a manager, to my mind, meant trading the right to ask basic questions. My new title meant that I should know this stuff already - so I just nodded agreeably and said “no problem.”
Losing the $700,000 wasn’t even the worst part. Once I realized what I’d done, I then had to go back to my team and explain it.
I had to look them in the eye and tell them we were canceling programs they’d worked hard to plan - and I didn’t have a good answer as to why.
The embarrassing truth of it was, I’d pretended to understand something I didn’t, and now they were paying for my carefully concealed confusion.
I didn’t want to ask for clarification from the Finance guy because I was afraid it would expose how little experience I had managing budgets. But keeping mum exposed something worse: I was more concerned about how I looked in the moment than I was with the impact to my team.
Thankfully, they were a forgiving bunch. We got through it. It didn’t turn out to be a fatal mistake - more of a gruesome injury that eventually healed, but left an unsightly scar to ensure I’d never forget it.
Here's what I learned: It’s OK not to know something. It’s not OK to pretend that you do.
I pretended I understood something I didn’t - and my team suffered for it.
If you’re sitting in a meeting and your inner monologue sounds anything like the following:
“I should already know this…”
“Does everyone else here understand this?”
“Wait - what did she just say?”
…that’s your cue to speak up.
Here’s what else I have learned - if you have questions, so do other people. Their inner monologue most likely sounds a lot like yours. Speaking up won’t just help you - there are others who will benefit. You may even get a post-meeting “OMG, I am so glad you asked that question.”
It’s not hard. You can say
“Hang on - can we back up a sec?”
“I want to make sure I’m hearing this right.”
“Can you walk me through what this actually means for us?”
Look at it this way - if you were on the other side of the conversation, wouldn’t you want everybody to be 100% clear on what you’re saying?
Asking for clarification or explanation isn’t a sign of weakness. It shows that you take your responsibility seriously - and that doing the job well matters more to you than protecting your ego.
It was an expensive lesson. I still cringe when I think about it.
I still don’t speak Finance, though.
If this struck a chord, maybe there’s an active reason. What are you too embarrassed to admit you don’t know?
Freebie Alert!
I could have saved my team a $700,000 headache with one question.
The problem was, I hadn’t figured out what I needed to understand before I walked into the meeting.
That’s exactly what the Clear Conversation Prep Sheet helps you do.
I’m making it free this week so you can use it before your next meeting - so you don’t accidentally sign away your budget.
Download it here:
the pressure to look competent scales with how competent you actually are, so it's the sharp new directors who freeze, not the unprepared ones. and the room almost always has three other people praying someone else asks the question first!